Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
