i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
