when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
