I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
