Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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