it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
