Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
