my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
