is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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