I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
