I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
