So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
