M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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