and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize