Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
