He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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