Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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