I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
