So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
