my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We need to get me chipped asap
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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