So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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