OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize