I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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