Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
