Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
