You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
