I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
