What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
