Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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