i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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