sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize