They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
