your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
