As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
