Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize