I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize