She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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