What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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