Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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