Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
