No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
is it fun? or sober?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
