Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize