i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
