Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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