I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
