remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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