Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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