My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
