Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
