did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
