I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
