Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
