haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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