There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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