My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need to calm my uterus...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
