I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize