So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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