I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
3pm strippers are depressing
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need a beard to bite.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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