He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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