I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
