The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
