Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
