haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
