tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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