sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize