I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
