I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize