At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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